Photo: #RedClay exhibit of a variety of cobbler boxes at Ibrahim Mahama’s museum and gallery in #Tamale, northern #Ghana.
Every now and then I lose a hitherto social media ‘friend.’ The peak was during the days of the #Trump presidency. Yesterday, I was amazed at the sort of hero-sanitising that won’t make certain followers of a Ghanaian presidential aspirant (former president) accept that he wasn’t an angel even though the evils of the incumbent and (our short memories) are making the former look better than he really is (don’t forget he was kicked out after one term for a reason). Gosh! This sounds so much like Trump, who’s also seeking re-election across the Atlantic, after being a one-term president.
When I was an active, multiple award-winning #Toastmaster, we were cautioned to avoid topics bordering on #religion, #politics and #sex because they were ‘highly inflammable.’ These three tend to run our emotions high and our intellect low, leaving most with neither high IQ nor high EQ!
Yet, what is the hidden cost of not being oneself or sharing one’s honest opinions? It seems that even on one’s own social media wall–their own piece of the metaverse real estate–one is bullied and insulted should they state their honest opinion about these same ‘three musketeers’.
We all could use some good old #differentiation! Differentiation of self is a psychological state and skill where someone can maintain their sense of self, identity, thoughts, and emotions even though emotionally or physically close with others, even in intense or intimate relationships.
“Healthy groups allow every member to express their individuality without that difference being seen by other group members as a threat.” That’s differentiation. Enough of the herd mentality already!
Not even my wife and I agree on everything. But we will not treat the other as an ‘It’ (instead of a ‘Thou’, to reference Martin Buber) or be less of ourselves because of a fear of offending the other, if we are emotionally intelligent and emotionally healthy people.
I refuse to be cowered into keeping my own social media wall free from my own opinions because of poorly differentiated individuals of other religious and/or political persuasions. It is my wall, and in the words of the late Steve Biko, “I write what I like.” Some people are simply emotionally immature, unintelligent and unhealthy and being less of me won’t necessarily help them become more of themselves or make the world any better.
Can you disagree without being disagreeable? That’s a basic #differentiation test. The more highly differentiated one is, the more they can be themselves, vehemently argue out their point and still love and respect their ‘opponent’ (maybe not in life but just on a matter).
Jesus Christ, the greatest teacher that ever lived, was a very highly differentiated person. He would receive sworn enemies hospitably and even respectfully dialogue with his detractors. That didn’t change who He was or the Truth. If your only recourse to those you disagree with is silence or violence, insults or blocking, then you need a healthy daily dose of #differentiation. Especially on social media.
