Meet Doris Kearns Goodwin, Presidential Historian Extraordinaire

Doris Helen Kearns Goodwin is an American biographer, historian, former sports journalist, and political commentator. In 1964 Kearns received a bachelor’s degree from Colby College, Waterville, Maine, and in 1968 she earned a doctorate in government from Harvard University, where she later taught government.

Goodwin won the 1995 Pulitzer Prize in history for her No Ordinary Time: Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt: The Home Front in World War II (1994), and in 2005 she published Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln, which focused on Lincoln’s management of his presidential cabinet. The book served as the primary source for Steven Spielberg’s biographical film Lincoln (2012). She later wrote The Bully Pulpit: Theodore Roosevelt, William Howard Taft, and the Golden Age of Journalism (2013) and Leadership in Turbulent Times (2018). In addition to her works of presidential scholarship, Goodwin wrote Wait till Next Year: A Memoir (1997), about growing up in the 1950s and her love for the Brooklyn Dodgers. She also served as a news analyst for NBC and as a consultant for Ken Burns’s documentary Baseball (1994).

 

TO LEARN OR NOT TO LEARN

It breaks my heart when I hear a famous statement like, “The only thing that we learn from history is that we learn nothing from history” (Georg Hegel, German philosopher). Yet of a truth, “Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it.” That quote is most likely writer and philosopher George Santayana’s, and its original form read, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” While leaders must not live the past, they certainly must leverage its lessons for today and tomorrow.

Consequently, in a fireside chat with John C. Maxwell at Live2Lead on October 7 this year, Doris will share key leadership insights gleaned from her decades of experience as a presidential historian, public speaker and Pulitzer-Prize winning author. The leadership lessons learned from some of the greatest leaders in our history provide timely clues on how to navigate the current condition of the leadership deficit we are experiencing today.

Come and up your personal, professional and leadership game at this year’s Live2Lead conference. Register now through this link. Nag your organization until they join this rising movement of learning leaders that will transform society by becoming a Patron of Live2Lead. A Patron company or individual is one that sends at least 10 leaders to Live2Lead. There’s no way we can have at least 100 such Patron organizations and companies in Ghana and not transform it, one centre of excellence at a time. Together we can change our country and continent for the better! Let’s do this! Register HERE, NOW.

Meet John Maxwell, Mentor Emeritus

No single individual has influenced my leadership paradigm and praxis like Dr. John C. Maxwell. I started reading and understudying John in the late 1990s and have been teaching his materials ever since, both as a bonafide EQUIP trainer and a certified Maxwell coach/speaker/trainer on the John Maxwell Team (JMT).

Meet John Maxwell–my mentor emeritus–the #1 New York Times bestselling author, coach, and speaker who has sold more than 30 million books. John has been identified as the #1 leader in business by the American Management Association® and the world’s most influential leadership expert by Business Insider and Inc. magazines.

Dr. Maxwell has also received the Horatio Alger Award, as well as the Mother Teresa Prize for Global Peace and Leadership from the Luminary Leadership Network. His organizations—The John Maxwell Company, The John Maxwell Team, EQUIP, and the John Maxwell Leadership Foundation—have trained millions of leaders from every nation in the world.

The annual Live2Lead conference is John’s brainchild, and he always opens and closes, with other phenomenal faculty sandwiched in between. I have been privileged to host it on both sides of the Atlantic, in Montreal, Canada as well as Accra, Ghana.

 

LAWS OF COMMUNICATION AND LIMITS-BLOWING CONTENT

At Live2Lead this year, John  C. Maxwell will be sharing new content from his upcoming book on the 16 Laws of Communication. Maxwell explains how to identify, grow, and apply your critical capacities. Once you’ve blow the “cap” of your capacities, you’ll find yourself more successful in your daily life.

We are absolutely convinced at YAW PERBI Executive Leadership Education that leadership (including communication) is taught; not just caught. Join John and the stellar faculty he’s put together for this year’s Live2Lead conference and up your leadership game. Register now through this link. Impress upon your organization to join the movement that will transform society by becoming a Patron of Live2Lead. A Patron company or individual is one that sends at least 10 leaders to Live2Lead. Together we can change our world for the better!

Register HERE, NOW.

Raise the Roof, Lift your Lid!

I just arrived at my room in Cape Town after three flights from Accra to Nairobi, Nairobi to Johannesburg and Jo’burg to Cape Town. A question on my mind as l flew here far above sea level, sometimes as high as 38,000 feet, has been, “How high is your leadership lid?”

 

THE FIRST OF THE IRREFUTABLE LAWS OF LEADERSHIP

Of course you know what a lid is, the cover of a container. How high your lid is determines the quality of the leadership that you provide for those you lead. I learnt this a long time ago, some 20-25 years ago from John Maxwell’s 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership. It was the very first of the principles of leadership he espoused in that bestseller and my life has never been the same since.

As John challenged me then from the written word—and many years later in-person—I must always endeavour to lift my leadership lid because no family, organization, church, community or country would ever grow past their leader. The leader is the lid over those (s)he leads. Sometimes when training leaders I ask, “are you a leader or ‘lidder’? because a leader is literally the lid on the progress and prosperity of their constituency. In a sense, every leader is a lidder; the question is “how high?”

 

IMAGINE THIS PRESIDENTIAL LID

You probably have heard me tell the story of a certain African president that a group of us, Maxwell certified leaders, were trying to connect in-person to John C. Maxwell for a national transformation process and programme. This president had never heard of John. In all probability, he hadn’t read any other contemporary leadership experts but hopefully he has digested at the very minimum some of the leadership classics like Plato’s, ‘The Republic’. It is a scary thought that this African nation—and by extension every family, organization, corporation, community, church etc. within her—would be constrained by the tightness of this head of state’s lid. I almost added, “through no fault of theirs,” but I guess they voted him into power.

 

HOW TO LIFT YOURS

While we educate a new generation that should be too enlightened to allow such tight lidders to lead African nations in the next decade, let me ask you, let’s get personal: how high is your lid? We forget, many of us (or we might even not know), that leadership is not just caught, it must be taught. And that’s why I love the opportunity, come October 07, for us all to be part of a life-altering, lid-lifting Live2Lead virtual experience with local faculty and global ones beaming all the way from Atlanta, Georgia.

We are gunning for 2,000 leaders—from emerging (youth) leaders, through leaders in the establishment (i.e. government/public sector leaders) to established leaders in the private sector, including executives from the corporate space. We will be taught in word and deed by powerful speakers and shakers like John C. Maxwell himself, two Patricks (Lencioni of the USA and Awuah of Ghana) and a Patricia (CEO of Vodafone, Ghana).

 

RAISE THE ROOF!

One of the most powerful discoveries in psychology over the last generation has been that people can learn and grow and change! So wherever your lid is today, if you learn to lead better you provide more room for those you lead. John will be the first to tell you that “your capacity determines your impact.”

Perhaps, some of the conflicts you are experiencing right now in your organization, church or wherever you lead is because your lid is too low and so people keep hitting it. And there is going to be continued tension and banging (conflict) till at some either you leave the stage or your people take their exit. As you have probably heard it said, people join organizations but they leave people (managers/leaders). It’s time to make room, lift your lid, raise the roof!

I have been part of things l left because the lid was too low. It just wasn’t life giving and l know people have also left my leadership when my lid was low because it was just too tight. Learn to lead. Each one of us can learn to lead better. Blow off the lid so that all of a sudden the people under your leadership feel this space and freedom because you lifted your lid and now they can breathe and create and innovate and… live again.

Join us at Live2Lead Ghana 2022, on October 7, and let’s all learn to lead better so that the people following our leadership can live better. If leading is your purpose on earth—that you live2lead—then you might as well as learn2lead, and do it well. As Donewell Insurance puts it, “If it must be done, it must be done well.” If we must lead, then we must lead well. Let’s blow off some lids and see our constituents blessed beyond measure, growing great and strong.

Right outside my hotel room window is the breathtaking view of the majestic, towering Table Mountain at 3,500 feet above sea level with no real ‘peak’ per se. No lid! So in the meantime, while you contemplate your lid, I will enjoy Cape Town on your behalf.

 

Post Script

Register and join LivetoLead here.

Of Principles, Principals & Principalities

This is a true story: A few years ago, a handful of us John Maxwell-certified coaches and trainers from Africa were trying our possible best to get John, the world-famous leadership expert, to visit a particular African country and engage their president. A good number of Maxwell-certified leaders have been travelling with John to specific developing countries to engage them in a bottom-up transformation process that have done these nations some real good and we hoped same for this African nation with great potential. But John doesn’t come cheap. In fact, one of us was serious enough about this that he cashed in part of his 401k (retirement savings in the U.S.) to make this trip possible. It was such a struggle to gain access to the president, like pulling teeth! Eventually we did. To my ‘shock and awe’ (just remembering U.S. President Bush Jnr.), this African president did not even know of John Maxwell! That is when I knew the country wouldn’t do well. And I was right.

 

LEADERSHIP IS THE TIDE

Over the last few years, especially with the Trump presidency and with the advent of social media proliferation, many of us have seen parts of the United States that we have never seen before. Horrible parts and horrific things—whether it is the wicked knee of a policeman on George Floyd’s neck or violent street protests or the infamous January 6 ‘insurrection’ or whatever it is. We had all this exposure to things we could not hitherto have imagined occurring in the ‘greatest nation in the world.’ At the peak of these happenings, during the Coronavirus pandemic, I frantically tried (see January 2021 article) to get some of my American friends to appreciate that Africans are no less human or merely more stupid than they are, and that if there is a difference between their economic status and my motherland’s it was just because, “everything rises and falls on leadership.” Leadership is the tide the raises all the other boats in a society (or otherwise). Most of them, I perceived, didn’t still quite get me.

 

AFRICA IS NOT THE PROBLEM

Just like we’ve seen in the last few years in America, we’ve also seen in several countries in Europe how “leadership is cause; everything else is effect.” I’ve lost count of how many Prime Ministers Britain has had in the last little while, and we all witnessed with horror the leadership (or the lack thereof) of the last one with the Russian first name. Africa is not the problem, leadership is. Failure of state is not the sole preserve of any nation neither is the flourishing of state the preserve of any nation. Every nation, any nation, rises and falls on its leadership.

 

“WE THREE KINGS”

These three kings are at work in nation building: Principles, Principals and Principalities. If you like, these actors are Laws, Leaders and Luciferites. Principles are neutral, Principals are supposed to be working for their people while Principalities are against. There are principles that touch on every aspect of life, including leadership. When these principles or laws–which are timeless, universal truths–are lived out, nations do well, families flourish, churches and organizations prosper. When they are broken we don’t.

It is easier to appreciate the physical and chemical principles because we can see and feel and touch them and their consequences. The Law of Gravity is the commonest example of a principle of Physics (physical law). There are leadership principles as well. Many of these are intangible in their operation but produce very tangible effects reflected in socioeconomic and other indices. Nations that live by principles, these consequential laws of the universe that make this world run properly, prosper and nations that do not live by principles don’t. The nations whose principals (leaders) live by these principles prosper; those that don’t do not suffer. It bears repeating that this applies to families, communities, churches, organizations… you name it.

 

WHERE DEMONS COME IN

Of course, those of us who believe in spiritual things know that over every nation and territory there are also what we call Principalities (Lucifer’s forces). These ‘Luciferites’ (I call them), are spirits that have territorial control that want to oppress nations and not let them come to their full manifestation. Why, you may ask? Out of envy of humans and out of spite for their Creator. But guess what? If you have principals (leaders) who live by principles (laws), including spiritual principles on how to deal with these powers, those nations, those families, communities, churches, organizations and countries of such leaders would bloom.

 

STOP THE BLAME GAME, NOW

Africans! let’s stop blaming how socioeconomically bereft we are on Principalities. It is our lack of following Principles—all of us—and particularly the lack of our principals leading in a principle-based manner as they should that has landed us where we are. We have an opportunity on October 7, all of us, to learn more of these principles as principals, whether we are executives in companies, pastors of churches, student leaders, public sector actors or whatever. We must all learn to lead better. When the leader gets better everything everyone else gets better.

It’s time to take on the principalities (Lucifer’s powers) that are oppressing and not making us prosper as nations and communities and it would come from the principals (leaders) who would live by the principles (laws) of leadership and lead the rest of us to do same. Don’t blame the principalities—and you can’t blame the principles either—it all lies on the principals. Principles are fundamental laws that cannot be changed and must be lived by to prosper. Principalities are spiritual powers that can be challenged to let things “be on earth as it is in heaven.” Neither principles nor principalities are respecter of persons, whether principal or peasant. Nations with great principals (leaders) abide by principles (laws) and defy spiritual principalities (Luciferites) to make their nations prosper. How laudable is your leadership?

Remember the nation whose principal-in-chief was clueless about leadership principles, at least as taught by Maxwell? I feel sorry for his people as I see and hear of their plight each day, worsened by the Coronavirus invasion of our planet. It’s not the devil; it’s our leaders. As one medical colleague pursuing Paediatric Pulmonology in South Africa poignantly commented on my PEP Talk on YouTube about this matter, “Once our Principals follow Principles and we the led are inspired, we will be too busy prospering to blame Principalities.” Enough said. Are our principals hearing?

Leader Day, October Day

The world is not in a good place. Leadership is the cause. And when it comes to Ghana’s situation in particular, I have personally been shocked at the number of C-level leaders I have interacted with that have either completely lost hope in the future of the country or nearly have. “How did we get here???” one CEO of a major bank asked me via text (yes, with three question marks).

If “everything rises and falls on leadership” and “leadership is cause, everything else is effect,” then there is no other way than to attribute the politico-socio-economic state of our nation to leadership (or the lack thereof). In the same way, if there is any one thing that will elevate the conversation, and the nation with it, it is leadership.

 

DO OR DIE TRYING

As one belonging to the tribe of eternal optimists, I have sworn that in my lifetime I will either see the flourishing Ghana that our forebears anticipated on 6th March, 1957 when the modern state was born, or die trying.  When the nascent nation was named ‘Ghana,’ our great grandparents were hopeful it would reflect the prosperity of the old Ghana empire, hence our new name (from Gold Coast). Oh, it bears repeating: our tribe of eternal optimists will see to a prosperous Ghana in our lifetime or die trying.

 

 

“I HAVE A DREAM, I HAVE A DREAM…”

Every true leader has a dream they passionately pursue with their people. I realize there is a day dedicated to almost every cause under the sun and pretty much each of the Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs)—women’s day, water day, literacy day, friendship day, founders day …  even toilet day. Yet the one thing that causes each of these matters to rise or fall has no such day dedicated to it to elevate and emphasize it. Even then, is a day enough? Surely not; but it is a good catalyst for the remaining three hundred and sixty four (or five) days.

My fellow Maxwell-trained and certified collaborators in Ghana and I have a dream that ultimately the first Friday of October each year will become universally known as LEADER DAY. There is nothing special about the first Friday in October per se except that consistently for about a decade now, our mentor and leadership expert, John C. Maxwell, has been gathering some of the best leadership minds and hearts on the planet to speak to the issue, and we might as well leverage the opportunity rather than reinvent the wheel. Live2Lead is the name of that event. The name says it all, that’s our purpose on earth: We live to lead.

Gwen Addo, the pulchritudinous CEO of the Hair Centre and speaker at Live2Lead Ghana ‘22 affirms this vision: “I also pray your dream comes true and October 7 becomes a “leadership day” or perhaps October becomes a “leadership month.”” She continues, “leadership is close to my heart … and why not dream it bigger than just a day.”

You and I know the dearth of leadership in our country. We, Maxwell certified trainers who are Ghanaian, are aiming to get 2,000 leaders at all levels to benefit from the LIVE simulcast from Atlanta. We will organize local content for our context first, sandwiching the global feed. You would want to be with Patrick Awuah (Founder & CEO, Ashesi University), Patricia Obo-Nai (CEO, Vodafone), Uncle Ebo Whyte (CEO, Roverman Productions), Gwen Gyimah Addo (CEO, The Hair Senta), Kathleen Addo (Chairperson, National Council for Civic Education) and Kwamina Asomaning (CEO, Stanbic Bank). The core issue on the table this time, or shall I say by the fireside, is “Leading with Integrity & Inspiring Hope, for the Common Good.”

 

 

STRATEGY

On October 7, we shall convene 2,000 Ghanaian leaders online. At least half of them will be from 100 companies, institutions and organizations which would send 10 of their leaders to Live2Lead as their investment in themselves as well as boldly staking their claim in the prosperity of Ghana by raising the leadership lid in the country, one company at a time. All these companies will be listed as patrons in the event handbook, website and social media (in alphabetical order).

The other half will be made up of executive leaders from the private sector, the establishment leaders (public service) and emerging leaders from our schools and universities, representing the next generation. Companies, institutions and organizations which want to go beyond patron status will be given opportunity to sponsor the establishment and emerging leaders in exchange for significant air time and eyeballs.

This 2,000 is only for starters; we shall double in 2023; and double again and again till at least 2% of all leaders in Ghana are connected to this Live2Lead tribe of learners who lead and leaders who learn. That is the exact critical mass needed to see a self-propagating movement of leaders worth following in Ghana: 2% of the  leader population.

 

CONCLUSION

The feedback from the ground as I have gone around is damning. Ruinous to the extent that although the theme we initially chose for our local content is ‘Leading with Integrity for the Common Good,’ we’ve had to come up with a conjoint theme of HOPE. Our people need hope. Leaders are brokers of hope, thus when they themselves are broken to the extent that they have no hope, what shall the rest of the people do?

Arise Ghanaian leaders!, established and emerging ones alike. We are better than this. Yet perhaps we are expecting leadership behaviours, values and attitudes that we haven’t first trained into people. Since we Live 2 Lead (that’s our purpose) let’s then Live 2 Learn (that’s the process) so we can all lead better and all make our nation great and strong. When the leader gets better, everyone and everything else does too. So let’s all show up!

One day in October, for starters. Just one day but who knows? Perhaps ‘October Day’ will in my grandchildren’s day be as well-known as ‘May Day’ is today. And for even better reasons, leadership-wise.

 

PS.

An event is not enough for sustained transformation thus there are leadership development and training pathways that will later be shared as a follow-up process between October 7 and the next Leader Day a year hence.

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN LEAD WITHOUT EQ IN A VUCA WORLD?

 

As one of the Pan African Cohort facilitators of BCA Leadership, I just got off a scintillating Zoom call with amazing African C-level leaders from across the continent—East Africa (like Kenya and Uganda), West Africa (I recall Nigeria, Sierra Leone and Ghana), North Africa (Egypt) and Southern Africa (Malawi, South Africa). We talked about Emotional Intelligence and the whole idea of VUCA. The goal of this blog is to summarize the essentials of the topic, which most participants described as ‘intriguing’: “So you think you can lead effectively without EQ in a VUCA world?” Really, this is a rhetorical question because no one in their right senses would say, “Yes, I can lead effectively without Emotional Intelligence (EQ)” in the first place, let alone in a world that’s described as VUCA.

 

WHAT ON EARTH IS VUCA? 

VUCA is a term that came from the military space, especially at the end of the cold world war when without the two clear polarizing forces the whole world was described as Volatile, Uncertain, Complex, and Ambiguous.  Guess what? If the end of the last century was said to be VUCA then imagine just how much more VUCA it is now. Look at the volatility of the world today, look at the speed of transformation, the dizzying digital economy. Consider the uncertainty with COVID-19 and this post-pandemic world. Is it even a post-pandemic or rather para-pandemic world as in some places it seems over and in others, COVID is still raging? Look at the complexity of the world. How could a microscopic virus emerge in a small place in some corner of the world called Wuhan, China, and the whole world gets grabbed into this? Some things are just ambiguous right now. It’s a VUCA world. There wouldn’t be enough space to write out all the feelings these VUCA times have generated in people, especially anxiety.

 

HOW ABOUT EQ?

Even before the VUCAness of the world, Emotional Intelligence had been identified as the key thing for succeeding in leadership. It is archaic 20^th century thinking that IQ (intelligence quotient) makes a good leader for a total leader not only has IQ, in terms of book smarts or cognitive intelligence, but also Emotional Intelligence (EI/EQ) in terms of being intelligent about feelings and Global Intelligence (GQ). Humans like to think we are rational people but at the end of the day we are emotional beings. The term was first coined in 1990 by researchers John Mayer and Peter Salovey, but was later popularized by psychologist Daniel Goleman five years later.

We now know that 80-90% of success in Executive Leadership depends on Emotional Intelligence and not cognitive intelligence. Don’t get me wrong, I am not dumb. I am a medical doctor for crying out loud. Intelligence is important but guess what? When it comes to Executive Leadership, IQ only gets you into the door, it takes EQ to play the game. And win. After about 128, IQ doesn’t matter anymore! Given the same level of IQ, technical skills, and competence, it’s EQ that would make all the difference in how much one succeeds (or not).

Emotional intelligence, according to Psychology Today, is “the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.” It is thus made up of the following four blocks:

 

BUT THERE’S PROBLEM

So being the amazing leaders we are, we figured out we cannot just sit idly twiddling our thumbs and watch VUCA happen without responding. In 2007, one Robert Johansen (a distinguished fellow at the Institute for the Future), came up with a behavioral leadership model he called VUCA Prime to counteract each of the four elements of VUCA with a specific positive response which starts with the same four letters. VUCA Prime then is to have Vision over Volatility, to overcome Uncertainty let’s have Understanding, then Clarity over Complexity and to overcome Ambiguity let there be Agility. 

Well, I have been studying this since the pandemic began and was thinking recently how good VUCA Prime is but how so very cognitive it is! Why is VUCA Prime so cognitive and does not take enough emotions into cognizance especially when we know 90% of success will depend on a leader’s emotional awareness (of self and others) and responses? 

 

WHAT IS VUCA EQ THEN?

Consequently, I have designed something called VUCA EQ to provide a more comprehensive and potent leadership response to VUCA beyond the cognitive, one that significantly takes emotional intelligence into consideration. Like VUCA Prime, each of the VUCA EQ responses also begins with the same four letters.

Firstly, V is Verification: we need to be able to decipher what our emotions are and label them correctly. Then we need to be able to do the same for others as well so we can respond rather than just react, and we can manage our emotions and that of others instead of just trying to control them. The world of command and control is gone! 

Secondly, instead of Uncertainty and just responding with the cognitive Understanding that VUCA Prime proposes, we rather respond in Unison. What I mean by Unison is to respond with our three brains. You have the cognitive brain but you also have your emotional brain called the limbic system. EQ is not just a ‘heart’ kind of thing, no! Emotional Intelligence has to do with the brain too. Or even more annoying, called ‘soft skills.’ EQ produces hard results on the balance sheet and cashflow statements! There is the Cognitive brain, Emotional brain, and Instinctive brain and VUCA EQ is about responding with all three in unison.

 

 

For Complexity, not only overcome with clarity but with Conveyance. Powerfully transmit emotional then logical information and carry across values and perspectives, considering emotional data and communicating emotions first. Remember to start with emotional data when decision-making and communicating eg. I feel vexxed about this decision and I’m aware most people in the company feel anxious….  Connect with emotions and convey them in response to complexity. 

Then finally, for Ambiguity, not only thrive with agility but by Automotivity. In other words, learn to move people’s emotions or move people emotionally. Automotivity means containing within itself the means of propulsion or movement. Mobilize people in such consonance and resonance with what they want (motives) and how they want (motivations) that they move in a self-propelling manner. After all, why do you suppose feelings are called e-motions? Feelings move us, they move the world. We may not like to acknowledge it but they do. How do you learn to know people’s motives and their motivations so that you can ride on that to send them (better still, travel with them) to a place where they ought to go?

 

CONCLUSION

Leadership is in the transportation business. We move people from here to there and without the power of Emotional Intelligence to move people (think e-motions) towards a shared, noble purpose, we are going nowhere ourselves in the first place and taking no one with us for that matter. Don’t you ever think you can successfully lead, especially in this VUCA world, without Emotional Intelligence.

‘I DO’ or ‘NO CLUE’?

 

Happy Saint Valentine’s Day! I think it makes a difference when you prefix the ‘saint’ before ‘Valentine’s Day’ because unfortunately a lot of unholy things happen on Valentine’s day but it’s a day to celebrate a saint who out of love, gave of himself for others. That’s what the essence of love is, it’s not so much what we can get but what we can give.

This is why I love the commonest scripture which numerous people who are not even Christ-followers know that by heart (John 3:16): “ For God so loved the world that He gave…” Love is three things (3As): Love is an affect (emotion), an attitude, and an action. If you would take another look at the most famous passage in all the world about love, 1 Corinthians 13, you would see love showing up mainly as attitude and action. There are a few affects sprinkled here and there but mainly attitude and action. That’s what love is–not just an affect and an attitude but love is action, so love gives.

On this particular Valentine’s day, I want to send a shout out to the love of my life, Naa Anyele Perbi (nee Ampa-Sowa). We’ve been married for over 15 years now and one of the things that has saved and sweetened our marriage is searching for and satisfying each other’s emotional needs, something we learned from marriage mentors of ours in Montreal, Canada. Gerry and Kathy Kraemer do a marriage workshop and illustrate this beautifully. The point is that each of us–depending on where and how we were born and raised, our make-up/wiring, personality, life’s critical incidents etc.–receive love differently. This is not just the general and popular ‘five love languages’, no! This is way beyond that. This is deeper than that. Based on our life stories, we each have unique emotional needs.

The Kraemers love to tell the emotional needs tale this way: On the day we get married you we exchange vows and say, “I do.” Gerry and Kathy half-joking assert that we probably should rather say, “No clue!” instead of “I do!” for indeed, we have no clue what we are getting into, no matter how much in love we are and how much we think we know of ourselves and of the other. They actually project their 1970s wedding picture and ‘photoshop’ in an ‘invisible’ suitcase by each of them, symbolizing the baggage each of us comes into a marriage relationship with!

And this is how they illustrate it: Gerry is blindfolded by his wife, who then holds a cut-out heart, a big heart, right in front of her. Now, Gerry holding a bow and arrow (the plastic kind with a sucker at the end) then tries to hit the target, the heart of his dear Kathy, going boom, boom boom!!!! And guess what? He misses Kathy’s heart every time. Until eventually he allows her to remove the blindfold so he can now see exactly where her heart is and can strike it point blank or from afar, any and every time.

The point is this: there are a lot of books and audiovisuals out there that talk about love and romance in such generic terms such as ladies love flowers and guys like sex. Don’t buy this stuff! There are guys who love flowers and gals who have a bigger desire and capacity for sex than most men you know! There is actual work to do in specifically finding out through conversation and some tools (those who take our YAW PERBI Family Foundations Mastermind actually get to go through this) to know these things. Basically, you can find out from conservations with or without expert help. What makes your spouse feel fully alive? In other words, what gives oxygen to their souls? When you find that out (when your spouse let’s you in on the master key(s)–and by the way you don’t have to understand it!, you don’t even have to like it–just do it! When your spouse says, “I am XYZ and this is how l love to be loved, would you love me this way?” I hope your answer would be yes!

Today being St. Valentine’s Day, a lot of people are going to give gifts that they would have loved to receive; not gifts people would loved to get, necessarily. That’s how humans behave: we tend to give what we would like ourselves or what we think is good. But if we would take the time to hear the heart of whoever we’re trying to love, they would tell us, they would give us a clue what makes them feel loved or what gives oxygen to their souls.

“I am Yaw, this is how I love to be loved… (Errrm… I won’t tell you! Only Anyele knows that!) …Would you love me this way?” Love somebody the way they want to be loved, the way they feel loved this Valentine’s Day; not the way we want to love them. Have a Happy Valentine‘s Day!!! and a great month celebrating love, true and love, lasting love, pure love, for God is love. Whatever you do today, may be it be saintly!

4 Easy Steps To Choosing The Right Coach

In the article 5 Signs You Need a coach ASAP, we defined coaching as a process of moving someone from where they are to where they want to be, through encouragement, guidance and honest feedback. The coach uses guiding questions to help the coachee set goals and take the necessary steps to achieve them.

Step 1: Know what you want from the coach. What aspects of your life need attention and what outcome do you seek.

Step 2: Verify the training and certification credentials of the coach. Are they an authority in their area? What are their experience and achievements in their personal lives?

Step 3: Schedule chemistry or complimentary first session. This will assess whether the coach is a fit for what you’re looking for. In this session ask them:

• What tools they will use to help you achieve your goals?
• How much do they charge for the coaching sessions?
• Who have they coached and can you access their testimonials?
• What are the other terms of the coaching agreement!?

Step 4: Observe these four qualities in your interactions with the coach in the initial sessions.

• Do they ask questions or instruct you? A professional coach asks good questions so you can arrive at solutions not telling you what to do.
• Do they listen to you? Good coaches listen to you without interrupting.
• Are they confidential? Do they share the names and personal stories of their clients with you? If they do, then you’ll be their topic with another client.
• Do they keep time and stick to their commitments to you?

Choosing the right coach for your personality and needs is like finding the perfect house to rent or a car to buy. It involves a bit of searching and recommendations. But when you find the right one, your personal and professional life will be totally transformed.

5 Signs You Need A Life coach ASAP| 5 Benefits of Getting a Coach

High achievers appreciate the role of a coach for high performance in their personal and professional journey. In a highly competitive environment that puts a high demand on your time, you need someone who can bring the best out of you. In fact, with the right coach, you can accomplish in one year what you have struggled to achieve in the last 10 years.

Coaching is a process of moving someone from where they are to where they want to be, through encouragement, guidance and honest feedback. The coach uses guiding questions to help the coachee set goals and take the necessary steps to achieve them.

Tom Landry, a football coach, once said, “A coach is someone who tells you what you don’t want to hear, who has you see what you don’t want to see, so you can be who you have always known you could be.”

Let’s use the Word COACH as an Acronym for the benefits of coaching: Clarity, Outcome, Accountability, Challenge and Habits

Here are the 5 signs you need a coach and the 5 benefits of coaching.

Sign #1: You Lack Clarity about Your Identity, Purpose, Priorities, Values, Talents, Gifts and Personality Style

CLARITY

A coach uses different tools to help you gain clarity about who you are, why you are here on earth, your life priorities and what you stand for. They introduce you to assessments like the DISC to help you understand and apply your personality type. Through coaching, you become more self-aware.

Sign #2: You Rarely Set SMARTER Goals to achieve Your Desired Outcome

OUTCOME

A coach helps you to set SMARTER (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound, Evaluated and Rewarded) goals and provides tips and tools to achieve them. He or she helps you write a vision statement in the aspects you desire to see a specific outcome.

Sign #3: You’re Answerable To No One For Achieving Your Goals

ACCOUNTABILITY

A coach helps you stick to your commitments, follows you up on your goals and gives honest feedback on your progress.

For instance, if your goal is to jog three times a week for 30 minutes each time for physical fitness, there may be times when you fall behind on this goal. A coach will hold you accountable and keep you focused on the benefits you’ll enjoy once the goal is achieved.

Sign #4: You Feel Bored, Stagnant and Underutilized

CHALLENGE

A coach challenges you to stretch and step out of your comfort zone, pursue your dreams and God’s will for your life.  Because they believe in your potential to become better, they challenge you to grow past your limiting beliefs and fears.

Sign #5: You Struggle To Develop or Ditch Certain Habits

HABITS

A coach helps you cut off habits that waste your time and hinder your progress. He/She helps you create a new system of doing things and set proper boundaries that make you more productive.

I hope you now appreciate the fact that you can’t progress past a certain level of growth and success without the help of a caring and committed coach.

Check out the 5 Steps to choosing the right coach.

And if you’re eager to achieve your goals, consider getting a coach today. Contact us, the YAW PERBI Team, via info@yawperbi.com.

PANDEMIC OR NO PANDEMIC, POSITIVENESS IS STILL A FUEL FOR SUCCESS

The following is a snap peak of the preface to the third edition of Dr. Yaw Perbi’s third book, ‘Positiveness: a fuel for success’, first published in 2003 to commemorate his silver jubilee.

 

It took a global pandemic to make this third edition of Positiveness: A Fuel for Success, possible. I have been trying to republish this book for nearly a decade now. The revised manuscript was done in 2012, and I had nearly completed the back-and-forth with a publishing company. All was ready to go, or so I thought. Then life happened and I put this on the backburner. Until now. It took the lockdowns of the Coronavirus pandemic of 2020 to get this going again. 

I have changed a lot since I turned 25 and first launched this book and so have many things too. We didn’t even have smartphones back then, and the internet was still a novelty. But some things have remained the same. After thousands of copies sold and many countries reached, “through all the changing scenes of life, in trouble and joy,” what hasn’t changed is the fact that positiveness is still fuel for success. 

In the past two decades, I have lived and worked for a year or more in three countries on two continents. In doing so, I have needed a whole lot of positiveness, especially in those times when I was geographically separated from my family. I have formally had various occupations and preoccupations ranging from being a medical doctor in Ghana, a military captain with the United Nations in Cote d’Ivoire, a leadership consultant and speaker around the world, pastor of a Chinese congregation in the French city of Montreal, a financial security advisor and investment consultant, to being president of a couple of Canadian and global charities. Positiveness is still fuel for success no matter the field of endeavour. 

You see, this book was only my third book and, back in 2003, I wrote and self-published it with a white cover and silver inscriptions to celebrate my twenty-fifth birthday (silver jubilee). At the time, I was a struggling medical student in Ghana attempting to do ‘what Napoleon couldn’t do’. I was trying to straddle the world of medicine and human development. In May 2003, together with a group of friends, while still in med school, I founded The HuD Group to inspire and empower young people to reach their full potential. Now I am a full-fledged medical doctor who has hung up his stethoscope— after four years of clinical practice—to focus on human development, especially holistic leadership development, because I sincerely believe, like my mentor John C. Maxwell, that “everything rises and falls on leadership.”

The HuD Group began in Ghana but, at the time of writing this, I am feverishly coordinating our global operations in two dozen countries on all continents of the world and currently domiciled in Montreal, Canada. If I thought I needed a daily prescription of positiveness back in 2003, then I might need a thrice daily prescription now. The two-year battle with the Canada Revenue Agency alone to get charitable status for The HuD Group warrants a book on its own. I’ll save that for another day, but it took positiveness to fuel my success. 

When I was much younger and naïve, I dreamed of working with the United Nations. And unlike many for whom that is still a dream, I achieved it. I did that, for a year, in La Cote d’Ivoire. Even while already enjoying that success, I still needed positiveness as fuel when I got car-wrecked on July 21, 2008 and lost two of the military colleagues I was travelling with. It was positiveness that got me back on the road to recovery. My commanding officer, out of rare soldier-sympathy, wanted me to return home (to Accra, Ghana) and recuperate but cheers to positiveness, I was convinced to stay put and serve with grace. I prevailed. Positiveness prevailed. 

So yes, life has changed—a whole lot— and so have I since 2003. Now married to my dear wife, Anyele, and a father to seven amazing children, I certainly have a broader and deeper perspective on life today. But if anything, these changes have only affirmed and confirmed the principles that were penned in this book nearly two decades ago. Positiveness is fuel for growth, success, and significance in any and every endeavour, and at whatever age and stage in life, that hasn’t changed.